Crossroads

 Crossroads:

 

Before all the before-times, there was nothing. But the I appeared suddenly out of that void, tearing through time and creating the moment.

And in this tale, it turns out the I is actually you—that’s life for you!

You begin to move forward; at first, everything is pure magic, and you see the world as a spectacle you can only be a part of. You’re like a song appearing between musical notes, or like a colour painting a sunrise.

Then, a lot of people begin to carelessly place their ideas and expectations onto you, and you start to grow and petrify—just a little, just enough to play your role.

However, the stage is demanding, and little by little, you learn to defend yourself from the vicissitudes of life. You resort to mechanisms, springs that activate when a new situation resembles an old one closely enough—one where you weren't allowed to be yourself because you had to respond to the ideas and expectations of others. Thanks to those springs and mechanisms, you know what to do.

You start to feel you are those mechanisms; you start to think that, somehow, they are your personality and that it is you who operates those levers, cranks, and compasses.

You walk on and reach a crossroad.

At this crossroad stands your family. No, you couldn't choose them, but—though you don't know it yet—you will be responsible for how you react to them. It seems almost like a trap because, to a large extent, you will learn "How to React to Things™" from your family.

At this fork, you choose your friends, another important part of that learning process. In retrospect, I can tell you that you’ve been lucky—but what would have become of you if you had gone with those others of darker hearts? Then there were those others, the ones who were very economically successful in life; what became of them?

You keep walking and, once again, you encounter several paths.

Here is the moment when you decide to stay in a relationship where you aren't treated well. In reality, this decision is made of a myriad of moments stretching out in a straight line before you. Do you have the tools and the knowledge to do something else? If you don't have them, is it truly a decision?

The rest of the paths seem like illusions: in that one, the same relationship lasts a very short time; in that other one, it seems you emigrate and emigrating with your partner works; and in the one further beyond, emigrating creates a resentment that destroys you both. Of course, in most of the branches, that partner doesn't even exist, and that time has perhaps been filled with other people or matters.

You look back with curiosity, but you stumble upon the moment that relationship ends. In some realities, you jump quickly into another relationship; in others, you suffer from depression, not knowing how to navigate the grief; and on this path you are walking, you question why you accepted that treatment.

Do you see? This other path is where you flee from your actions and their consequences because you cannot face the emotional cost of understanding yourself as a person who acted this way or that—as a person who did such a thing to others or did such a thing to themselves. If you follow it, the emotional consequences of this decision will splinter, and it will be very complicated to track them down to put the puzzle pieces back together.

Down that other path, you will focus primarily on your professional life, never stopping the search for people to accompany you on the way.

Down that lonely trail, you dive into your life but gradually lose sight of those who had walked with you.

Of course, there are complicated paths. If you go down that one over there, you will change; you will kill—metaphorically—part of who you are, and you will suffer—this time in a very literal sense. But you will change, after all, because the cost of suffering the change is lower than the cost of suffering everything that would happen if you didn't change.

Look, in one fork, your friends change with you. In others, they don't.

In many others, some do and some don't.

Evidently, you cannot choose any of that, so you don't choose.

Note that along this path you learn—at the cost of not betraying yourself—that your defense mechanisms weigh too much and serve too little. That there are people you have to let go. That learning to regulate your feelings in no way means repressing them or fleeing from them by thinking up excuses, hierarchies, and whatever narrative makes you feel better than others just because—whether it's that you’re better at this or that... you already know that lie.

The lie of the I.

It is only an inflammation of the ego, somewhat annoying, but it’s one of those illnesses that kills itself off, like a fever. The treatment: courage in abundance, surpassing the limits of the imagination and what is socially accepted. Later, when courage no longer even understands where that limit was, who put it there, or what time it opens: a little bit of chocolate.

But wake up, otherwise life is going to eat you up. Down that path, yes, you start to feel all the feelings, including the negative ones. Why would anyone submit themselves to such torture? But you gain clarity, and slowly, life hurts less. Those mechanisms and springs you called your personality fall away because they are no longer useful to you.

And the feelings begin to integrate into all those gaps left by the mechanisms that are no longer there. Suddenly, you glide through life by means of living, and you begin to dance with life.

The floorboards beneath your feet sound hollow.

Suddenly, others are dancing too.

The floorboards beneath their feet sound hollow.

They carry many survival mechanisms on their backs, but then again, who doesn't?

You stop in the middle of the stage; the spotlights blind you.

Then you look at the audience, but there is no one there.

In your hand is a mask; it is yours, your persona.

But that mask is made only of survival and familiarity, of fear and past.

And it doesn’t fit you anymore.

There are cracks in it, and you come with your own face—one that never had a name.

You take a bow.

And that is how masks fall: with a bow full of compassion for who we have been.

Canned applause plays, as if the sound came from an old, pre-recorded cassette tape.

"Who are you?" life asks you, speaking to you for some reason from the proscenium, perhaps interested.

The night ripples like a blanket spreading through the air and comes to a still, creating a landscape of black hills dotted with twinkling stars. There is a trail breaking through them, a moonbeam, marking a path that no one can travel, save for the night itself.

"Who are you?" life insists, expectant.

And your only answer is a question mark.

 

    Crossroads  © 2026 by Marta Roussel Perla is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International. To view a copy of this license, visit https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/4.0/

 

Encrucijadas

Encrucijadas:

 

Antes de todos los antes no había nada. Pero el yo apareció de ese mismo vacío, rasgando el tiempo y creando el momento.

Y en este relato el yo, resulta que eres tú, ¡cómo es la vida!

Comienzas a avanzar, al principio todo es pura magia y ves el mundo como un espectáculo del que sólo puedes ser parte. Eres como una canción que surge entre notas musicales, o como el color que pinta un amanecer.

Después un montón de gente empieza a poner despreocupadamente sus ideas y expectativas en ti, y tú empiezas a crecer y petrificarte, sólo un poquito, lo justo para representar tu papel.

No obstante, el escenario es exigente y poco a poco aprendes a defenderte de las vicisitudes de la vida. Recurres a mecanismos, resortes que se activan cuando una situación nueva se asemeja lo suficiente a una situación vieja en la que no se te dejó ser tú porque tenías que responder a ideas y expectativas ajenas, y gracias a esos resortes y mecanismos sabes qué hacer.

Empiezas a sentirte esos mecanismos, empiezas a pensar que, de alguna forma, son tu personalidad y que eres tú quien maneja esas palancas, manivelas y brújulas.

Caminas y llegas a una encrucijada.

En esta encrucijada está tu familia. No, no podías elegirla pero, aunque aún no lo sepas, serás responsable de cómo reaccionarás a ella. Parece casi una trampa porque en buena medida de tu familia aprenderás Cómo se reacciona a las cosas™.

Es esta otra bifurcación está el momento en el que eliges a tus amigos, otra parte importante de ese aprendizaje. En retrospectiva puedo decirte que has tenido suerte pero, ¿qué habría sido de ti si te hubieras ido con aquellos otros de corazón más oscuro?

También estaban aquellos otros, que triunfaron mucho a nivel económico en la vida, ¿qué habrá sido de ellos?

Sigues andando y de nuevo te encuentras con varios caminos.

Aquí está el momento en el que decides quedarte en una relación en la que no te tratan bien. En realidad, esta decisión se compone de una miríada de momentos extendiéndose en línea recta ante ti. ¿Tienes las herramientas y el conocimiento para hacer otra cosa? Si no los tienes, ¿es realmente una decisión?

El resto de caminos parecen ilusiones, en ése la misma relación dura muy poco tiempo, en aquél por lo visto emigras y emigrar con tu pareja funciona, y en el de más allá emigrar crea un resentimiento que os destruye a ambos. Por supuesto, en la mayoría de bifurcaciones esa pareja ni siquiera existe y ese tiempo se ha llenado quizás con otras personas o asuntos.

Miras hacia atrás con curiosidad, pero te topas con el momento en el que esa relación termina, en algunas realidades saltas rápidamente a otra relación, en otras sufres depresión al no saber navegar el duelo, y en este camino que andas te cuestionas por qué aceptaste aquel trato.

¿Has visto? Este otro es el camino en el que huyes de tus actos y sus consecuencias porque no puedes hacer frente al coste emocional que supone entenderte como una persona que ha actuado así o asá, como una persona que ha hecho tal cosa a otros o se ha hecho tal otra a sí misma. Si lo sigues, las consecuencias emocionales de esta decisión se dividirán y será muy complicado seguirles la pista para montar el puzzle de nuevo.

Por ese otro camino te centrarás sobre todo en tu vida profesional, sin dejar de buscar gente que te acompañe en la vida.

Por ese solitario sendero te sumerges en tu vida pero vas perdiendo poco a poco de vista a quienes habían caminado contigo.

Por supuesto, hay caminos complicados, si vas por ese de ahí cambiarás, matarás –metafóricamente– a parte de quien eres y sufrirás –esto ya en un sentido muy literal–. Pero cambiarás al fin y al cabo porque el coste de sufrir el cambio es más bajo que el coste de sufrir todo lo que pasaría si no cambiases.

Mira, en una bifurcación tus amigos cambian contigo.

En otras no.

En muchas otras, algunos sí y otros no.

Evidentemente tú no puedes elegir nada de eso, así que no eliges.

Fíjate, por este camino aprendes, a costa de no traicionarte, que tus mecanismos de defensa pesan demasiado y sirven demasiado poco. Que hay personas a las que hay que dejar marchar. Que aprender a regular tus sentimientos en ningún caso significa reprimirlos o huir de ellos, pensando excusas, jerarquías y cualquier relato que te haga sentir mejor que los demás porque patatas, que si eres mejor en esto o en aquello, ya conoces esa mentira.

La mentira del yo.

Es sólo una inflamación del ego, algo molesta, pero es de esas enfermedades que se matan ellas solas, como la fiebre. El tratamiento: valentía a raudales, superando el límite de la imaginación y lo socialmente aceptado. Luego, cuando la valentía ya ni siquiera entienda dónde quedaba ese límite, quién lo había puesto ahí o a qué hora abre, un poco de chocolate.

Pero espabila, que la vida te va a comer. Por ese camino, sí, empiezas a sentir todos los sentimientos, incluyendo los negativos. ¿Por qué alguien iba a someterse a esa tortura? Pero ganas en claridad y poco a poco la vida duele menos. Esos mecanismos y resortes a los que llamabas tu personalidad caen, porque ya no te son útiles.

Y los sentimientos se van integrando en todos esos huecos que han ido dejando los mecanismos que ya no están ahí. De repente, te deslizas con la vida por la vida, y empiezas a bailar con ella.

Las tablas bajo tus pies resuenan huecas.

De repente, los demás también bailan.

Las tablas bajo sus pies resuenan huecas.

Llevan muchos mecanismos de supervivencia a cuestas, ¿pero quién no?

Te detienes en medio del escenario, la luz de los focos te ciega.

Entonces miras al público, pero no hay nadie.

En tu mano hay una máscara, es tuya, tu persona.

Pero esa máscara está hecha sólo de supervivencia y familiaridad, de miedo y pasado.

Y ya no encaja en ti.

En ella hay grietas, y tú vienes con tu propio rostro, uno que nunca tuvo nombre.

Haces una reverencia.

Y así es como caen las máscaras: con una reverencia llena de compasión por quienes hemos sido.

Suenan unos aplausos enlatados, como si el sonido procediera de una vieja cinta de cassette pregrabada.

–¿Quién eres tú?–, te pregunta la vida, que por algún motivo te habla desde el proscenio, quizás con interés.

La noche se ondula como una manta extendiéndose en el aire y se detiene, creando un paisaje de colinas negras salpicadas de estrellas titilantes. Hay un sendero abriéndose paso entre ellas, un rayo de luna, que marca un camino que nadie puede recorrer, salvo la noche misma.

–¿Quién eres tú?–, insiste la vida, expectante.

Y tu única respuesta es un signo de interrogación.

    Encrucijadas  © 2026 by Marta Roussel Perla is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International. To view a copy of this license, visit https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/4.0/

Awakening

Awakening:

ノウマクサンマンダ バサラダン
センダンマカロシャダヤソハタヤ
ノウマクサンマンダ バサラダン
ウンタラタカンマン

SABLE HILLS - Namu 

In the summer last year, I had what in Zen people call satori or kensho, if I’ve been well informed.

It came some months after my lifelong PTSD was over, which ended in spring.

I unlearned a lot after that.

And I understood that some things cannot be integrated by comprehending them at an intellectual level. In that regard, trauma and awakening are similar.

Satori happened in the midst of deep anger and sorrow, when any self-image was seen as an illusion.

Satori was spectacular: everything stopped in my mind for the first time in my life, and silence set in.

A couple of weeks after that, the ego came back.

I thought that I had made a terrible mistake; later, I realised it was not.

Months passed, and I investigated a lot within myself until I finally understood.

That moment was nothing like a spectacular satori, mind you; it was ordinary, it was simple.

If you awaken, you will pay a price, and the price is quite high.

The price is everything.

If you want to feel superior to others, that’s fine.

If you want to be a spiritual seeker, that’s fine.

If you want a state of perpetual bliss, that’s fine.

If you want to pretend you’re rational and not emotional, that’s fine.

If you want to feel special, that’s fine.

But that’s a character; that’s precisely what dies in awakening.

As long as you keep that mask, forget about it.

Is it really worth it, anyway?

Do you really want to be ordinary and abandon everything you are?

What do you really desire?

What do you truly fear?

Every time you hear a bird chirping, that’s the gateless gate.

Every time the sun casts a shadow at twilight, that’s the gateless gate.

Every time you feel the world being your own skin, that’s the gateless gate.

What are you staring at?

Your thoughts and feelings are external; look beyond that, look within.

I believe most people don’t want the truth; they want comfort.

And some people will use that sentence as an excuse to hurt others without taking accountability, but they understand absolutely nothing.

Believe me, I have done that, I have been there.

You are allowed to want comfort over truth.

And that’s totally fine.

I promise you: that’s totally fine (it only comes with a price, like awakening).

However, if you want liberation, please understand that in inner peace you cannot hide from yourself.

It’s only us, every light and every shadow, it’s only us. Us and the parts we never wanted to look at.

And most of us would do anything but facing ourselves that way.

Regarding the process, some people don’t even go through satori at all and they simply get clarity, but for many, the first step in the journey is satori and the last one is clarity.

And whatever is before satori, is just stories you tell yourself; nothing more.

Ironically, what is sought cannot be gained or lost, and whatever effort you might make in one direction or another is what will keep you trapped.

Of course, our mind is programmed to make efforts to reach a goal.

But who you truly are is not a goal, it is just what remains when the noise fades away.

You cannot create silence, you can only disrupt it.

That’s exactly what happens when you try to control your thoughts or when you try to remain in a state of no thought.

Reality doesn’t speak in absolute states.

You are not your mind, and awakening cannot be thought of or imagined.

If you really want to awaken, abandon any conception you might have about it, as it can only obstruct your gaze; abandon any idea you have about yourself, abandon that character.

Drop that mask.

Trust who you truly are, not who you think you are.

Because, in the end, awakening is just something else you let go.

     Awakening  © 2026 by Marta Roussel Perla is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International. To view a copy of this license, visit https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/4.0/

 

Más allá de las tierras de las tierras del bien y del mal

Más allá de las tierras de las tierras del bien y del mal:

Una variación de este texto se publicó en la revista THEO-POETICA, Vol. II, una producción de The College Theological Society de la Universidad Trinity de Dublín.

Vayamos a las tierras más allá de lo correcto y lo incorrecto.

En algún momento entenderemos que no tener razón es un error de perspectiva.

En algún momento entenderemos que tener razón es pura ceguera.

 

Después de todo, nuestras excusas y justificaciones pueden hacer que cualquier mala acción se vuelva buena a nuestros ojos. La negación hará que nuestros patrones echen raíces y tomen las murallas de nuestra personalidad. No será necesario adivinar el futuro para conocer nuestro camino porque todo lo que hagamos se convertirá en una deuda que contraeremos con nosotros mismos.

 

Nadie es malo, pero todos son ignorantes.

Todo el mundo piensa que es una buena persona, capaz de juzgar dónde otros yerran, con los ojos sellados por los puntos de sutura de las buenas intenciones, mientras el impacto en los corazones ajenos queda desamparado en el reino de la exageración.

 

Tomar responsabilidad sobre el impacto que generamos sin buscar excusas no hará que tengamos razón, sólo que estemos presentes.

Limpiar el corazón sólo significa descubrirlo.

 

Desafiemos nuestros ciclos, levantémonos por encima de nuestros antiguos yoes, y hagamos una reverencia llena de genuina compasión ante quienes éramos cuando no podíamos hacer otra cosa que sobrevivir.

 

Vayamos a las tierras más allá de lo correcto y lo incorrecto, y dejemos de ser esclavizados por nuestros juicios y comparaciones.

 

Aquí hacer daño a otros es hacernos daño a nosotros mismos, ya que nada es bueno o malo. Hacemos daño a otros, es inevitable, porque no le damos importancia a lo que ellos sí y viceversa.

Así que podemos equivocarnos. De hecho, nos equivocaremos; he aquí nuestra profecía.

Sí, aquí podemos cometer errores; lo único que no podemos hacer es huir de ellos.

 

Nos encontraremos aquí, en las tierras más allá, donde los espejos están hechos añicos por ley porque quien llega hasta aquí sabe mirar hacia adentro.

Nos encontraremos aquí, en las tierras más allá, donde la sabiduría son los errores vistos desde el otro lado, donde la interdependencia y la reparación son el curso natural de la vida.

 

Sólo necesitamos un coraje infinito para que el murmullo de nuestra mente se aquiete y vuelva a su estado original por un segundo solamente.

 

La empatía nos ayudará a llegar a la puerta sin puerta.

 

Adueñarnos de nuestras acciones y consecuencias nos ayudará a cruzarla.

 

Dejamos la máscara del yo en el umbral, antes de que la puerta desaparezca tras nosotros.

El yo no hacía falta. No hacía falta que protegerlo, ¿lo ves?

 

Vayamos a las tierras más allá de lo correcto y lo incorrecto.

No perderemos ni un minuto.

Sentirás que estás a punto de caer por un precipicio, atrévete: volverás a quien realmente eres.

 

    Más allá de las tierras de las tierras del bien y del mal  © 2026 by Marta Roussel Perla is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International. To view a copy of this license, visit https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/4.0/

Beyond the land of good and evil

Beyond the land of good and evil:

A variation of this text was published in THEO-POETICA, Vol. II, a magazine produced by The College Theological Society at Trinity College Dublin.

 

Let’s go to the lands beyond right and wrong.

At some point, we understand that being wrong is merely an error of perspective.

At some point, we understand that being right is pure blindness.

 

After all, our excuses and justifications can make any bad action we do seem good in our eyes. Denial will cause our patterns to take root and seize the stone walls of our personality. There’s no need to predict the future to know our path, as everything we do will become a debt we incur with ourselves.

 

No one is evil, but everyone is ignorant.

Everyone thinks they’re a good person, capable of judging where others err, with eyes sealed by the stitches of good intentions, while the impact on other people's hearts is left helpless in the realm of overreaction.

 

Taking accountability for the impact we generate without making excuses won't make us right; it will only make us present.

Cleansing our heart only means discovering it.

 

We challenge our cycles, rise above our former selves, and offer a genuinely compassionate bow to who we were when we could do nothing but survive.

 

We come to the lands beyond right and wrong, and stop being enslaved by our judgments and comparisons. Here, hurting others is hurting ourselves, since nothing is good or bad.

 

We hurt others—it is inevitable—because we do not think some things are important, and they do, and vice versa.

So, we can be wrong. In fact, we will be wrong; here is our prophecy.

Yes, here we can make mistakes; the only thing we cannot do is run away from them.

 

We will meet here, in the lands beyond, where mirrors are shattered by law because those who arrive here know how to look inward.

We will meet here, in the lands beyond, where wisdom is simply mistakes seen from the other side, and where interdependence and repair are the natural flow of life.

 

We just need infinite courage for the murmur of our mind to quiet and to return to its original state, if only for a second.

 

Empathy will help us reach the gateless gate.

 

Accountability will help us cross it.

 

We leave the mask of the I at the threshold, before the door disappears behind us.

The I was not necessary. There was no need to protect it, see?

 

Let’s go to the lands beyond right and wrong.

We won't waste our time.

If you feel like you are about to fall off a cliff, dare: you will return to who you truly are.

 

Beyond the land of good and evil © 2026 by Marta Roussel Perla is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International. To view a copy of this license, visit https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/4.0/